Quote of Jack's

[Yhtapmys]

I'll post the whole column here, even though it's long and only one snippet deals with Jack. Some of this stuff is brilliant. This is Leonard Lyons' Broadway Medley, published June 26, 1952. Seems to me George Burns' mentioned Lenny in one of his books.

Anyway, if someone can explain Jack's quote to me, I'd be appreciative. It's obviously a reference before my time.

ONE-LINERS
To the idiom of show business now must be added the phrase, "One-Liners." It is used principally by radio and television comedians, in describing to their writers the short but complete type of material they prefer. In the past years it has been my good fortune to have been around when some memorable one-liners were created. Here are some:
There was Groucho Marx' complaint to a baseball manager about his second baseman: "He doesn't hit hard enough to be a wife beater." . . . Gene Fowler's description of Joe Frisco's stammering delivery: "He's always in the rumble seat of conversation." . . . Frisco's own description of his chronic unemployment: "What Fred Astaire is to dancing, I am to leisure." . . . Solly Violinsky's assertion of his undisputed championship at unemployment: "Compared to me, Joe Frisco is a slave." . . . Harry Kurnitz' oath: "If I'm not telling you the truth, may my deaf psychoanalyst be unable to buy a new battery for his hearing aid."
Dorothy Parker's confession: "Anyone who talks to me in a British accent makes me feel as if I have a papoose on my back." . . . Jack Benny's description of how expensive his wife's new gown was: "It made Bergdorf call up Goodman and congratulate him." . . . The laundress at the Benny household, warning a writer trying to get over-familiar with her: "Try that again and you'll need only one more clean shirt forever." . . . George S. Kaufman's description of a poor bridge player who was his partner: "To me he's a tower of jello." . . . Marc Connolly's explanation of his refusal to fly: "I get dizzy even when I stand on a thick rug."
Oscar Levant's reason for disliking California: "I'm lazy enough without the interference of tropical weather." . . . Tallulah's reply to an admirer who said she was the only completely free woman he'd ever met: "What good is that? I'm a slave to my freedom." . . . Lou Holtz' challenge lo Huntington Hartford, the A. & P. heir, who'd wooed a girl away from him: "Outside of $70,000,000, what have you got that I haven't?' . . . Producer Sam Zimbalist, about an 18-year-old beauty: "I could go for her, if I only were 20 years older." . . . George Jessel, sighing about Norma Talmadge: "When Norma sneezed, it made Debussy sound like a bum."
Pietro di Donato's description of a novel he was writing: "It's about my love of women and struggle with God—or, rather, my love of God and struggle with women." . . . J. Arthur Rank, on his financial activities: "I never put any heart into affairs concerning money; and I never put any money into affairs concerning the heart." . . . Will Morrissey, the shoe-string producer: "I wouldn't produce another Broadway show even if a backer came along with an $800 bankroll." .. Harpo Marx, trying to avoid an intellectual discussion: "Me? I'm the kind of guy who can go to sleep at 8 p. m. without reading a book."
Alben Barkley, referring to the U. S. senate: "I don't know if it's the greatest deliberative; I do know it's the most deliberative body. . . . Jackie Gleason, explaining why he's given up drinking: "The doctors told me I had a choice—either go on the wagon, or get in one." . . . Nunnally Johnson, after studying reviews criticizing a screen play he'd written: "The hand of the potter jarred." . . . Melvin Frank, the movie writer-producer, after seeing the size of the bills sent his friends by psychoanalysis: "There's one thing about psychoanalysis—it prepares you for the poverty in which it leaves you."
Henri Bernstein, the venerable playwright, after studying himself in his new mirror: "Alas, mirrors aren't what they used to be in my day" . . . Alfred Hitchcock, the film director: "Hollywood stamped me as a recluse,
just because I drive a 1939 Cadillac" . . . Joe Schenck, at his fiftieth birthday: "At 50, you look like 40, feel like 30 and realize the opportunities you missed at 20" . . . Bob Hope, in discussing the marital records of some of his friends: "Jessel can do anything Artie Shaw can do, except play the clarinet" . . . . Adolf Zukor at a preview of "Champagne Waltz," which featured 200 violins: "What a lot of cats to kill."
Peter Ustinov, the Nero of "Quo Vadis," after his first visit: "Hollywood reminds me of the remnants of a huge wedding cake: it was prepared for more guests than came" . . . Henry Morgan, when asked by Doubleday if he could write a book: "Sure, I can write a book. Just give me a typewriter, paper and a ceiling to look at" . . . Albert Einstein, to a visitor at Princeton, about philosophy and science: "The Golden Rule is a law of physics—if you give someone happiness, you get some back yourself" . . . Ira Gershwin, criticizing a set of lyrics submitted for his appraisal: "They're precious, but not valuable."
Gregory Ratoff, after a series of setbacks in a movie he was trying to produce: "Moving pictures were invented by the Reds to destroy capitalism" . . . Cedric Hardwicke, in confessing that he didn't understand the words he recited in a Paul Vincent Carroll play: "Acting began to decay when the actors started to understand their lines" . . . Ruth Weston, the actress, about a man who was romancing her: "He's a fox—a wolf who sends flowers" . . . Winston Churchill, insisting on replying to an attack, although he'd been urged to stand on his dignity: "I know of no case where a man added to his dignity by standing on it."
M. Lincoln Schuster, to an author of a manuscript sent to him: "Although it's a poor idea, it's badly executed" . . . Georges Simenon. the author of six novels a year: "I am prolific not because of the hours I spend at my typewriter but because of my full existence the rest of the day" . . . Leo Lindy, to a customer who was gorging himself with sauerkraut: "If you can't eat the rest of the sauerkraut, stuff a sofa with it" . . . Jimmy Walker, just before he entered the hospital: "I feel like burlesque— much ballyhoo outside, a bad show inside."

Yhtapmys

[BurnsAllenBennyfan]

"It made Bergdorf call up Goodman and congratulate him."

Well, I'm only 30, but here's my take.

Bergdof Goodman is a department store. I'd say the store made so much money on Mary's dress that the men (and I'm guessing men, but for teh era odds are I'm right) called up each other to congratulate the other on the profit they made.