Keefe Brasselle's Hatchet Job

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Keefe Brasselle's Hatchet Job

Postby Brad from Georgia » Wed Jul 05, 2006 1:01 pm

So I was in a used-book store, and there was a copy of Keefe Brasselle's novel The CanniBalS for fifty cents. I'd heard that Brasselle had portrayed Jack in the book, so I bought it out of curiosity.

It's just about unreadable. The narrator, Joey Bertell, is a TV actor/writer/director/producer whose wonderful new series, "Sandstorm" (grabber of a title, eh?) has just been bumped from the schedule of a thinly-disguised CBS. Bertell discoveres that the reason is that "Jackie Benson" has exerted pressure on the chairman of the network to keep a show his own production company makes, "Chessgame," on the air instead.

So here's the narrator on Jackie Benson: He calls him a washed-up has-been, a senile comedian who doesn't have the sense to lie down and die, someone who's further out of it than Joe Miller's Jokebook (Oh, mama, that's biting wit), and a few four-letter words as well. He wishes Benson were present so that he could shove his "imaginary Stutz Bearcat" up his "keister." :roll: Everyone around Joey agrees that Jackie is "the worst thing on the air," but he's an old friend of the chairman and saved the network when he switched his show over to them years earlier. And so on.

The venom is witless and flat-footed, and I doubt if it would have disturbed anyone much, though of course it's obvious that "Jackie Benson" is Jack Benny. Jack's company, J&M Productions, was indeed the one behind a show called "Checkmate" (see, "Chessgame" is a clever play on that title, who woulda thunk, right?), but whether any of the plot is rooted in anything more than the unfertile soil of the author's imagination--whether in reality Brasselle had some show he wanted to put on instead of that one--I don't know.

To give you a sense of the quality of the prose, if quality is the word I want, in the first two chapters you meet the following gentlemen: Jackie Benson, Joe Ballantine, Joey Bertell, Jonathan J. Bingham, and Bill Blackman. Do you see anything wrong with these names? Even the merest tyro of a writer is aware that one should not stamp out names on a production line and that it is permissible to use more than three initials to begin the names of one's characters.

The tone is unpleasant, egocentric, and tiresome, and the style is turgid, though I think Brasselle was trying for titillating (did you know that flying on a jet is equivalent to drug use? No? Joey says that a plane flight

...lulled me into a narcotic sleep like a combination of LSD, "pot," and a few sniffs of "Charlie."


Yes, even the archly precious little quotation marks are Brasselle's. According to the back cover of the paperback, this is the novel that had "all Hollywood walking in fear!"

I guess they were afraid someone was going to make them read it. Me, I gave up somewhere toward the end of Chapter 3. It's the dullest roman a clef I've run across. This is the book of which they said, "I couldn't pick it up!"
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Postby Maxwell » Wed Jul 05, 2006 3:04 pm

All I remember of Keefe Brasselle is that he had a short-lived variety show called "The Keefe Brasselle Show" that our family watched exactly once. It was terrible. From what I recall of it, Braselle pretty much thought he was God's gift to the entertainment industry and that he could do anything and everything. As I recall, he used his show to prove just that and the at home audience nationally was just as unimpressed as we were in our little town in northeastern Illinois.

I just looked it up, and it seems that Barbra Streisand made an appearance in one of the episodes in June of '63.

I would point out that the world still remembers Jack Benny. Exactly who remembers Keefe Brasselle?
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Re: Keefe Brasselle's Hatchet Job

Postby LLeff » Wed Jul 05, 2006 6:53 pm

Brad from Georgia wrote: The narrator, Joey Bertell, is a TV actor/writer/director/producer


Just made a quick check(mate) at IMDB to see about Brasselle's corporeal status, and note that he died in 1981 of cirrhosis. I also see that his birth name was John Brasselli...perhaps a harbinger of his fondness for the initials J.B.
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Postby Brad from Georgia » Thu Jul 06, 2006 6:55 am

Thanks, Laura--I also found that this was discussed years ago in the IJBFC forum, back in 2002 to be exact. A poster there said that Brasselle resented Jack for different reasons: Jack's last season on CBS was a rocky one, with Bonanza seriously sapping his ratings. The chairman of CBS, William Paley, decided that it was time for Jack's program to end, but he wanted to bring Jack back in a series of specials. However, Paley's right-hand man, James Aubrey, who delighted in cutting performers down, got to Jack before Paley could discuss matters with him and rudely, gleefully fired him. Jack was hurt and went to NBC for one final season--but an outraged Paley fired James Aubrey and also Aubrey's chief assistant, one Keefe Brasselle.

I did not know that. Still, Brasselle was, to quote the immortal Bugs Bunny, quite a maroon.
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Postby TimL2005 » Thu Jul 06, 2006 7:50 am

Brad from Georgia wrote:
I did not know that. Still, Brasselle was, to quote the immortal Bugs Bunny, quite a maroon.


Also, it did not help that Brasselle was able to deverlop and put on the air several shows for CBS in the 1964-65 season including The Cara Williams Show The Reporter, and The Baileys of Balboa..Without pilot episodes!..Because of these and other ill-advised program moves dictated by James Aubrey, CBS was weakened in Prime Time..This led to the ouster of Aubrey and Brasselle by 1965..
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OT: maroon

Postby Alan » Thu Jul 06, 2006 12:34 pm

Brad from Georgia wrote:I did not know that. Still, Brasselle was, to quote the immortal Bugs Bunny, quite a maroon.


I had always assumed that the -maroon- jab was a Bugs line....but last year, iirc, i heard Phil harris use it in a 40s ep...i meant to look into it but forgot about it till reading this posted reference.

I know that at least 1 or 2 BugsBunny gags are originally from the JB show (Anaheim, Azooza...), but who created the -what a maroon- line

If, as i would guess, it was JB show created, i would nominate it as possibly being the best-known-line-TODAY with JB origins...including money-or-your-life ; because even -younger- people (sorry, my quotes key busted) are familiar with it as a slang-funny comment.
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Postby Maxwell » Sun Jul 09, 2006 5:48 am

TimL2005 wrote:Also, it did not help that Brasselle was able to deverlop and put on the air several shows for CBS in the 1964-65 season including The Cara Williams Show The Reporter, and The Baileys of Balboa..Without pilot episodes!..Because of these and other ill-advised program moves dictated by James Aubrey, CBS was weakened in Prime Time..This led to the ouster of Aubrey and Brasselle by 1965..


I don't remember The Reporter, but I do remember the other two. Both were terrible. I also remember Checkmate, the show Braselle saw fit to trash. It was good enough that we watched it every week. Interesting premise (and I'm going strictly from memory here. Anthony George, Sebastian Cabot, and Doug McClure ran a detective agency in San Francisco called Checkmate, Inc. that tried to prevent crimes before they occurred, hence the name.
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Postby Gerry O. » Sun Jul 09, 2006 7:42 pm

Maxwell wrote:All I remember of Keefe Brasselle is that he had a short-lived variety show called "The Keefe Brasselle Show" that our family watched exactly once. It was terrible. From what I recall of it, Braselle pretty much thought he was God's gift to the entertainment industry and that he could do anything and everything. As I recall, he used his show to prove just that and the at home audience nationally was just as unimpressed as we were in our little town in northeastern Illinois.



I have a VHS video of a 1950's TV kinescope....a 1954 episode of THE COLGATE COMEDY HOUR hosted by Keefe Brasselle. How Brasselle was even allowed in the NBC studio to host this show is beyond me. Usually the COLGATE hours were hosted by heavyweight talents like Martin & Lewis, Eddie Cantor, Abbott & Costello, Donald O' Connor, Bob Hope, Jimmy Durante, etc.

Brasselle came onstage with this show-offish, toothy grin and this obnoxious "Hey, You Lucky People, Here I AM!" attitude. In fact, he was as hammy and as full of himself as Phil Harris PRETENDED to be on Jack's program....only Brasselle wasn't KIDDING!

He had big-name guests on that show, but it was very obvious that Brasselle was out of his league hosting a big-time variety hour like that on national television.

When Brasselle played Eddie Cantor in "The Eddie Cantor Story" film, Cantor publically touted the talent of Brasselle and told the press how thrilled he was to have Brasselle play him....at least that's the way things were at FIRST. By the time the film was released, Cantor couldn't STAND the guy and avoided any public discussion about Keefe "Aren't I WONDERFUL, Folks?" Brasselle!
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Postby LLeff » Sat Feb 03, 2007 2:39 pm

So something finally inspired me to get my own copy of "The CanniBalS", and it's everything you say it is. J. J. Bingham looks to be a thinly-disguised (although no disguise in this book is thicker than a gnat's eyelash) James Aubrey. Haven't figured out who Mario Corlucci is, but obviously someone else Brasselle despised. I laughed at the comment of taking over "World-Bond Studios" which had been "almost stolen into bankruptcy by that Greek" (probably Desilu and a famous Cuban?).

Another thing in Braselle's style is his unbridled misogyny to pair with his egocentrism. His description of his wife is, "She was my broad, kept her mouth shut, did exactly as I told her to do and didn't bug me with questions. She had the brains to know she wouldn't have gotten any answers anyway." He makes an offensive pass at a stewardess and--of course--gets a warm reception. It's equally transparent that this guy is completely self-absorbed and lost in his own fantasies; I think it would be hillarious to have some sort of "he said-she said" counterpoint on this, showing Brasselle's take on a situation and then what REALLY happened.
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Postby Gerry O. » Mon Feb 05, 2007 5:29 am

Brad from Georgia wrote:Thanks, Laura--I also found that this was discussed years ago in the IJBFC forum, back in 2002 to be exact. A poster there said that Brasselle resented Jack for different reasons: Jack's last season on CBS was a rocky one, with Bonanza seriously sapping his ratings. The chairman of CBS, William Paley, decided that it was time for Jack's program to end, but he wanted to bring Jack back in a series of specials. However, Paley's right-hand man, James Aubrey, who delighted in cutting performers down, got to Jack before Paley could discuss matters with him and rudely, gleefully fired him. Jack was hurt and went to NBC for one final season--but an outraged Paley fired James Aubrey and also Aubrey's chief assistant, one Keefe Brasselle.

I did not know that. Still, Brasselle was, to quote the immortal Bugs Bunny, quite a maroon.


Yes, apparently Paley knew that it was time to end Jack's weekly series, but he had a great deal of fondness and respect for Jack, and he also remembered that it was Jack's move to CBS that really put the network on the map and made it SERIOUS competition for NBC. Paley was planning to sit down with Jack and discuss the proposed series of Benny specials in a way which would allow Jack to maintain his dignity as a performer and result in a "win-win" situation for both Jack and CBS. However, Aubrey jumped at the chance to cruelly tell Jack that the network was cancelling his weekly show....his words to Jack were something to the effect of, "You're through, Old Man!". Imagine saying that to JACK BENNY?

Aubrey and Brasselle had been on thin ice with Paley for a while before the Benny incident. There were stories circulating around about Aubrey's sadistic handling of major CBS stars....and his viciousness was usually accompanied by a big grin on his face, resulting in his nickname of "The Smiling Cobra". When Paley found out about Aubrey's treatment of Jack, that was the final straw.

Another classic example of Aubrey's horrible treatment of CBS stars.....The network decided to cancel Garry Moore's weekly hour-long variety hour, but they hadn't told Moore yet. Aubrey and Moore both happened to be at the same house party, and Moore was standing at the home's bar, waiting for a drink. Aubrey spotted Moore standing there, walked up to him and started making friendly small-talk conversation. Things were going along pleasantly when Aubrey (with that big smile on his face) casually said, "Oh, by the way....we're cancelling your show!". Aubrey's statement hit Garry Moore like a ton of bricks, and Garry was so upset that he quickly grabbed his coat and left the party. Nice, huh?
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Postby JohnM » Mon Feb 05, 2007 6:34 am

Keefe Brasselle does impersonations. He has impersonated a song-and-dance man in the movies (The Eddie Cantor Story), a variety-show M.C. on television (briefly), and a TV producer (also briefly). . . .[and now he is] impersonating a novelist. . . .

Here is Time Magazine's review of the book from 1968:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/artic ... 46,00.html

From the discussion in this thread, I thought the book was about Jack Benny, at least in part. But he is never even mentioned in this review (nor the character "Jackie Benson"), so I guess it was just a small sub-plot.
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Postby Brad from Georgia » Mon Feb 05, 2007 11:50 am

Jackie Benson isn't a major character in The CanniBalS, but he precipitates the action, from offstage. He's the catalytic agent. What Brasselle says about him is neither worthwhile nor true of the real Jack Benny. I was never able to finish that book, a rarity for me.
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