www.jackbenny.org

by **scottp** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 8:49 am

Mrs. Day (in the distance): Oh, THERE you are, Dennis! Look here, Benny, I've told you Dennis MUST be home by 8:30 every night except Sunday. You're contributing to the delinquency of a tenor!

by **mrdj** » Tue Apr 25, 2006 11:45 am

Why, Lucretia, how nice to see you! But you needn't worry, Dennis finished mowing the lawn a little early, so I was having him help Rochester with the laundry. We had such an overflow after the Elk's convention left town don't you know.

by **sweyhrich** » Thu May 04, 2006 7:37 pm

Mr. Billingsley: Pardon me, but have any of you seen a radio and a roasted chicken fly past here recently?

by **scottp** » Sun May 07, 2006 2:02 pm

Jack: That's ridiculous! Why would a radio and a roasted chicken fly past here?

by **sweyhrich** » Sun May 07, 2006 2:32 pm

Mr. Billingsley: I was having a meal and listening to some music on my magic carpet, and fell off when I hit an air pocket. Well, goodbye!

by **scottp** » Thu May 11, 2006 1:38 pm

Jack: Hmmm... seems like it's not a good day for chicken dinners.

by **LLeff** » Thu May 11, 2006 5:38 pm

Mary: Jack, I have a question for you. I'm always spending time with you, we go to movies together, and we even went to Yosemite together. But you take Gladys Zybysko to the Rose Bowl and say she's your girlfriend. So what are we?

by **David47Jens** » Thu May 11, 2006 6:55 pm

JACK (off-mike): A darned good reason why I insist everyone sticks to their scripts and stay in character!

by **scottp** » Sat May 13, 2006 2:35 pm

Phil: Mary, I've heard about that sorta thing... what you've got is called a Tonic Relationship!

by **David47Jens** » Sat May 13, 2006 3:07 pm

DENNIS: Seems more to me like a toxic relationship! Oh, wait... Now I'm the one who's deviating from the script and stepping out of character. Sorry, Ja... I mean, Mr. Benny!

by **scottp** » Wed May 17, 2006 1:14 pm

Dr. Phil McGraw: Folks, did you ever see anyone who needed a Relationship Rescue more than these two? And everyone in the audience gets a box of Grape Nuts, under your seat!

by **David47Jens** » Wed May 17, 2006 2:11 pm

PHIL HARRIS: Sayyyyy! So you're the guy who's been tryin' to steal my thunder! I'll have you know that this 'Phil' has been 'playing doctor' for years, chrome-dome!

by **scottp** » Sat May 20, 2006 2:34 pm

Oprah Winfrey: I told Mary she should write a book about trying to deal with this guy. I said, "Girlfriend, no one would BELIEVE what you go through with Jack! It would go right to the top of my Book Club!"

by **LLeff** » Sun May 21, 2006 5:54 pm

Dennis: You're Mary's girlfriend? Is THAT why she and Jack never got together?

by **Jhammes** » Wed May 24, 2006 12:02 pm

Jack:...Dennis...Dennis... SING DENNIS!
Then go home already!

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